Group travel magazines very own "Housewife, Superstar and Travel Guru" Dame Ivana Travelalott answers all your travel conundrums

Dear Ivana

 

Our regular Brussels tour guide failed to turn up last week, so I conducted the tour myself.  We stood outside everywhere and didn’t go in - it’s cheaper that way.  Unfortunately, there were some complaints, which seems unreasonable, given that without my help we’d have all gone home empty handed?

 

Dear Nigel Forrage

 

Being tour guide is much like driving car.  You sometimes turn to right, you sometimes turn to left, you sometimes go straight ahead.  From the notes you sent with your letter, I see you mainly asked everyone to turn to the right, then turn to the right, then turn to the right.  It’s possible some of your party have now turned so far to the right that they ended up turning to the left, and missed the point of what you were saying.  Quite apart from being a pain in the neck, this can lead to disenchantment with the whole Brussels experience.  I suggest that you resign from stand-up tour guide.  They’ll soon miss you and ask you to come back again.

The views and opinions expressed are not that necessarily that of the publisher or company. Anything funny or entertaining is.

Complaints should be sent to Ms Dame Ivana directly, but we don’t have her contact details at the moment as she is currently on the run from Interpol.